The Silent Stoning chronicles journey of healing
Jeeti Pooni invites readers into very intimate spaces sharing letters from her grown self to younger self as well as those who played parts in her hurt and healing.
Content warning: The following contains descriptions of abuse and sexual assault. Please proceed with caution and care. If you require support, there are resources available.
Our backs
tell stories
no books have
the spine to carry -- Rupi Kaur
The innocent childhoods of Salakshana, Jeeti and Kira Pooni were shattered when their 19-year-old cousin, Manjit Singh Virk moved into their family home in Williams Lake, British Columbia.
Jeeti was 11-years-old when the inappropriate touching and rape began. She was 24 when the abuse finally ended. Jeeti and her sisters held on to their secrets for over 25 years only breaking their silence when they realized that Virk was still grooming and raping family members. Jeeti and her sisters had no idea they were embarking on what is arguably one of the longest sexual assault court cases in Canadian history.
On April 6, 2018, 11 years after the rapes were reported to police, Virk was convicted on four of six charges for sexually abusing Salakshana, Jeeti and their cousin, Raj Rana. There was no conviction in Kira’s case because Justice Trevor Armstrong, Supreme Court of British Columbia in Williams Lake, found her to be aggressive, evasive and said her testimony was filled with gaps and inconsistencies.
Virk immediately filed a Section (11b) Charter Application requesting a stay of proceedings claiming his right to be tried in a timely manner had been breached. Known as the Jordan Rule, this legal principle limits the number of months an accused should have to wait to fight charges against them in court. For provincial cases the limit is 18 months while at the federal level that increases to 30 months. Once the limit is exceeded, the delay is considered unreasonable.
Two months later the stay of proceedings was granted by Justice Armstrong and all charges were judicially stayed.
The Crown appealed the stay of proceedings to the Appeal Court of British Columbia. On February 10, 2021 a decision was handed down dismissing the Crowns’ appeal to lift the stay of proceedings. That meant that while the guilty verdicts against Virk stand, he was not sentenced, has is no criminal record and did not have to be registered on the National Sex Offender Registry.
The five judges who heard the Crown’s appeal agreed the charges were serious and involved the sexual abuse of vulnerable complainants. They also noted that the stay of proceedings represents a failure of the justice system.
The Crown did not appeal the decision. So, instead of the multi-million-dollar case resulting in justice, it only served to highlight problems within the criminal and legal systems while re-traumatizing and re-victimizing the Pooni sisters and their cousin.
The National Film Board of Canada (NFB) released the documentary Because We Are Girls (2019) detailing the Pooni sisters’ legal journey up to the filing of the Jordan application.
This amazing documentary gives viewers a better understanding of the strength and conviction it takes for women to confront their rapist. It also reinforces the changes needed to ensure that everyone who comes into contact with sexual assault survivors receives training from a trauma-informed approach.
Jeeti and I recently sat down to discuss the launch of her new book, The Silent Stoning, chronicling her personal journey of healing.
The Silent Stoning is a metaphor for the myriad of experiences that come our way through family, friends, teachers and life. Jeeti believes it’s through these experiences that our understanding of self evolves. But it’s the negative programming of the stones that lays the foundation for us to believe that there is something wrong with us. That we are not good enough. And, that’s when we start stoning ourselves.
“It’s the experiences, plus it’s also our internal dialogue, internal critic, the limiting beliefs that we take on that silently stone us,” Jeeti told Small Change.
Writing the book was a catharsis for Jeeti who was able to, “go back all the way to my childhood and see my innocence and have my tears through all the experiences that were traumatizing. Watching my evolution through all of it.”
Jeeti invites the reader into very intimate spaces writing letters from her grown self to young Jeeti through her various ages and stages of life. Jeeti also writes to family members as well as significant others who played parts in both her hurt and healing.
Although The Silent Stoning contains difficult and potentially triggering content, it is a book that needs to be read to understand that when society expects girls to be unquestionably obedient, and when it silences girls from telling their truths, that sets them up to be groomed.
It also lays bare the experiences of childhood survivors of rape being victim blamed by family, friends, relatives and society that places the onus on them – even as children -- to keep themselves safe from sexual predators.
“When I got that phone call from [Virk] accusing me and my sisters of wanting sex at such a young age, it just took me to this place where I was able to see that little girl was a little girl and that there was no way it was her fault,” explained Jeeti.
“She didn’t ask for the rapes. She didn’t ask to be touched. Because I was able to see my innocence and speak my truth from there, I knew that this book was going to come from a place of that innocence of little Jeeti,” she added.
Jeeti hopes readers will be able to relate to the innocence that each one of us has inside and that ultimately those women who were hurt as young children, teens or adults will find self-worth and healing.
Growing up in a conservative Indo-Canadian household, the Pooni sisters were taught from an early age to be submissive to men.
“I come from a culture that privileges boys. So, we grew up with my mom saying my brother is her one and only eye. That’s how significant he is.”
They also knew that women and girls were always blamed and held responsible for their rape regardless of their age. Telling could mean being shunned or sent back to India for an arranged marriage.
In the chapter, Wake Up Brother, Jeeti is calling on all the men in her brown community to do the right thing and stand up to ensure the safety, equality and human rights of the girls, teens and women in their community.
Jeeti sees The Silent Stoning as the beginning of a trilogy that will definitely include a volume focusing on the court case – which she refers to as a gong show.
“Because we live in Canada, we think we have all of these rights and the justice system. But it’s not until you actually step foot into the system that you see the cracks and the things that aren’t working. Then, you start questioning why aren’t they working and realize we live in a country where, in this day and age, my sisters and I don’t have any rights,” maintains Jeeti.
For justice to prevail Jeeti would have to have charged Virk for every individual act of sexual assault. Since Virk raped Jeeti nightly from the time she was 11-years-old until she was 24, that in itself would be a monumental task that no police force would willingly undertake.
Salakshana, Kira and their cousin would also have to charge Virk with each individual sexual assault which the Crown would then have to look at in order to determine the likelihood of a conviction.
According to 2012 statistics, 460,000 sexual assaults happen annually across Canada.
For every 1,000 sexual assaults only 33 are reported to the police.
Of those 33 reports only 29 are recorded as a crime.
From those 29 less than half – 12 – result in charges being laid.
6 are prosecuted.
3 end in convictions.
997 sexual assault assailants walk free.
That is a 0.003 conviction rate.
This appalling conviction rate and the fact that the 5 appeal judges only heard segments of the case without hearing any victim impact statements is something Jeeti believes the Canadian public needs to know about.
“When you look at this whole judicial aspect and the outcome of our case, how can others come forward knowing that this is what happens and this is what you get? But people should know and have a right to know,” stated Jeeti.
“We have created these systems. It’s all man-made, so we need to de-construct them and bring in systems that serve us and serve the community,” Jeeti added.
In Jeeti’s culture when an atrocity takes place, or if there’s a disagreement amongst families, then the elders come together to sort it out. In the Jeeti’s case, that never happened. Instead, everyone started pointing fingers and often that finger pointing was aimed at Jeeti and her sisters who were accused of encouraging their rapist.
Jeeti wrote a chapter to her rapist, Manjit Singh Virk, because she sees him as a deeply wounded person who is mistakenly trying to fill some hole in his life by hurting little girls.
Jeeti believes Virk could make different choices and could find healing, but that would mean acknowledging his own wounds as well as taking responsibility for the hurt he has caused, and continues to cause, innocent young girls.
Jeeti hopes that her journey from acknowledging and accepting her own experiences while reclaiming her lost childhood innocence will help Virk’s victims see that there is healing at the end of the path but it starts with self-acceptance.
“Healing is a life-long journey. The triggers will always be there. But now we have the tools to deal with those triggers,” Jeeti shared.
Going forward, Jeeti would like readers to teach their daughters that they don’t have to hug or kiss every adult that they encounter. Instead, teach your daughters they have rights, bodily autonomy and can establish boundaries that need to be respected. She also wants readers to ensure they listen when their daughters come to them with difficult disclosures of inappropriate adult behaviour. Then, tell your daughters that they are believed, will be supported and removed from harm’s way.
In 2024 Jeeti will be on tour promoting The Silent Stoning. I encourage you to find an author talk near you because Jeeti is an engaging and inspiring public speaker that you won’t want to miss.